I know that no one reads this, so that is why I feel comfortable venting now. Lately, everything has fucking sucked. I fuck up left and right, people are being fake with their relationships with me and true feelings, I've just lost my way. My heart is fucking broken because of this disease I've caught, and everything is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Boo-hoo, wah wah, poor me! It's not like that. I just don't really understand why everything has taken a turn for the worse. I guess I just need to completely understand and start living based off the statement, "Every action has a reaction."

What's going on exactly?

Things are leaving my control..............

i find it humorous and all the same repulsive how comfortable i am in my newfound hate of the garden. i finally got cut to pieces completely by your ugly thorns. my attained freedom from your judgment is just as much as a relief as it is a heavy weight. the rope that held us together could never be extended, and i have cut myself from the leash. you have planted your weeds in my life and now i am pluckin' them out one by one. a rigorous task if anything, but one i can handle. and from here on out, just by your ugliness i have acquired all my beliefs and plans once again, my goal now is to make more time for myself. myself. i am back with myself, and i am thrustin' myself into the world, inch by inch. i am troubled by my priorities, but i can get them back in order, somehow. the lights in my world have been off for too long and now i am repairing the circuit breaker, broken wires, broken energy, broken up me. i am turnin' everything back on. the sparks have sent my body into shock and i have accepted the task. i am ready to learn, ready to think, ready to be something again. however, i remain flustered on who to break free from, or even how to do it. i'd like to say time will tell, but time is no object to my affection & commitment. but all my trials and tribulations, all my wins and failures, i'm starting now to enjoy all of them. livin' fast, livin' fast. square one, here we go, here we go! i've come home to my heart. i'm here, i'm here, i'm here, i'm here! time to rock, time to fall, time to fly, time for everything i can get my little hands on. time for everything your influence kept me away from. time.

3 years it was built up
and 3 years later it all came crashing down once again

Take it back. I meant what I said. Take it back. Take it all fuckin' back.

I can't pick between people, even when the best choice is obvious.
Things are at a down right now. So called it.

it's coming down to me making a decision. i'm tired of being tugged left and right. and i'm about to just say, no one.
who to trust? who to trust? i don't know if i can even trust my self
and you're right, i am addicted to *. you know what it means when i ask you to come over
you know exactly what it means. i hear no arguments

c'mon in, again and again, i'll always let you in.
sweatin' in my bed sweatin' in my bed
where else would i rather be?

rifts are smoothing themselves out, yeah they are
sleeeeeeeeep deprived, oh my god, how sleep deprived i am

I am way out of my element lately
I am trying to patch up the holes but the water inches up little by little

trial and error

I can see myself doing things I could never have pictured myself doing or acting or feeling like
because of you.
I've been taking a lot of risks.
I have done a lot less thinking and a lot more living.
I can't decide if this is good or bad.
I'm just going to "go whichever way the wind blows"
I can put my trust in my fate, in my destiny.
What is to be is to be, what will be, will just be.

Going whichever way the wind blows,
you were caught in your world,
I was lost in mine.

Going whichever way the wind blows,
staring through the windshield,
seeing the other side.
let it go, it will get easier,
let it go, just enjoy the ride.

Going whichever way the wind blows,
Spacing on the road map,
useless dots and lines.

Going whichever way the wind blows,
tearing out the pages,
just to watch them fly,
let it go, it will get easier,
let it go, just enjoy the ride.

let it go, it will get easier,
let it go, just enjoy the ride.

Going whichever way the wind blows,
Going whichever way the wind blows,
stare into the rear view, leave it all behind

uMmmmM

When the truth is, I miss you.
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so.

the answer

i don't understand how i didn't see how much i have missed you
"if i never saw * again i would be completely fine" what a lie what a lie

here we go
yeeeeeEesSSSsssssssss

i think the truth runs faster than i do and it has finally lapped me one too many times

in a few years, right now, this moment, will be in the context of "years ago"
we are living in the futures past
and i am so glad to be living it with you

hey. Just tell me what to do.
come on, world. tell me what to do. you lead, i'll follow.
i don't know how i feel about all this control.

life has dealt me a good hand lately. i am just waiting for everything to spiral into complete disaster. i am trying to stick to my down to earth roots and appreciate what I have.

oh man, please let us stay like this, just let us stay like this.

hey, when in rome, do as the romans do.

The future is so bright with you by my side.
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